Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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