yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
