Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
there is puke in my bra ... again
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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