take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry about my life...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
