I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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