He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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