Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
