Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
