had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
