I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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