Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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