Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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