I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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