I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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