I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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