Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
