just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
