I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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