Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
