he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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