Porn is love you can see.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
