woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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