This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In other news, I just burned my penis
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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