So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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