So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
