So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
