"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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