Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I believe in your delicious
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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