Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
