I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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