i just google imaged poop.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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