At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
