I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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