it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
