So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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