So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
