I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
