I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
