When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
