but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
