So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you win again, gameday.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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