just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
