my vag is so smooth its legendary
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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