The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
