I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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