this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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