Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
