I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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