3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
