Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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