i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
