**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
