I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
