What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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