then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
operation harelip BJ is a go
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
