I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
